The UK government (excluding Scotland and Nicola Sturgeon) is drafting plans to stop anyone from coming into the country.
A blast of hot air dubbed the “Mediterranean melt” has seen an influx of Spanish and Italians entering the country to enjoy our great British summer.
“Bog off,” said one border control officer; “This is our f**king summer, and we don’t want your greasy palms spoiling it.”
A news and weather presenter who looks like Ulrika Jonsson said; “UK weather patterns are dramatically changing for the better, with many experts predicting Spain and Italy could become the new cold Scandinavia of Europe in the next two years.”
If this is true (which it most definitely is), we urge everyone to go and bloody enjoy it.
